Posts tagged ‘the pickup artist 2’
Alcatraz Prison Break With Tara From VH1′s The PickUp Artist 2 and PickUpTara.com
Alcatraz Prison Break With Tara From VH1′s The PickUp Artist 2 and PickUpTara.com. Tara visits Alcatraz and shares a little of her journey. Tara explains how being in a relationship doesn’t have to feel like you have been sentenced to prison. Also, getting out of the relationship should be easier than breaking out of Alcatraz. Please subscribe to PickUpTara’s channel and visit http://www.pickuptara.com.
VH1′s The Pick-Up Artist 2 Recap Episode 6
This week on The Pickup Artist, the guys show how far they’ve come, and man, they sure don’t look like the same nerds we met six weeks ago. They were total pros out in the field and there was lots of making out going on. There was also a very Top Gun vibe what with all the wingmen – Rian and Greg easily filled the roles of Maverick and Goose as they competed against Matt and Simeon (er, Iceman and Slider) for immunity. There was no sexy, sweaty beach volleyball, but we did get a glimpse at a new, shirtless Simeon. Umm, Simeon. . .care to explain?
When Rian returns to the house with the last of Mystery’s medallions from last week, Simeon tells the group ”We’re the Fantastic Four right here.” With Brian now gone, the guys have lost a friend, but also a rival – they’re all one step closer to being the master pickup artist, but first, in a move to see whose day game it tops, they’re are hurtled into a sea of coupon-clippers and price checks at the grocery store.
Mystery explains that day game is like a watered-down version of the pickup techniques the guys are used to – body language must be toned down and negging should be kept to a minimum. Besides, no woman is going to get with you if she has Tofutti Cuties that need to hit the freezer asap. A subtler approach is called for. While Matt starts off strong, all the Luna Bar jokes in the world couldn’t stop him from losing momentum. He ends up nervously batting around an onion, which I wish was a euphemism, and leading Mystery to joke “There’s an eight-set of asparagus right behind you!” Poor Matt just couldn’t produce. Get it? Produce? Like the produce aisle? Sorry…
Next up, Rian enters boldly and heads straight for the chocolate fountain, always a good move, because where there’s a chocolate fountain there are most definitely single women congregating. He starts off well but then starts in on some “theater exercise” version of patty-cake, yet he still manages to number close a two-set of girls. The grocery store seems to be Rian’s element.
Maybe Simeon remembered the Sesame Street episode where the food in the fridge could talk to each other, because when it was his turn, he seemed to direct his opener at a wall of herbs rather than the girl next to him, and was shocked when the ladies weren’t responsive. He then forced a girl into conversation and somehow, despite her discomfort, got her phone number, all the while causing our judges to cringe.
“What I proceeded to do is the exact opposite of everything I had been told,” Simeon said while sauntering off into the employees-only room. Meanwhile, Greg couldn’t close any deals and froze after making chit-chat and faking interest in food samples. The fake perplexed look on Greg’s face as he fakes interest in what he just sampled and fake contemplates going back for more is genuinely entertaining.
Matt and Greg may charm the ladies at night, but their day game proved lacking and Rian was named the winner of the challenge.
Back at home, Matt confides to the gang that he feels like he’s dumbing himself down when he’s out in the field. “Who’s going to a club to talk about the Socialist policies of France? Nobody is! But that’s in my wheelhouse, you know?” Well Matt, you’re right. No one goes to bars, or the supermarket or even French Socialist club to talk about that. It looks like your wheelhouse shall remain a fortress of solitude. Later, Matt references Mel Brooks and Carl Reiner so actually, Matt might want to hit up Club My Dad if this is the kind of conversation he’s looking for.
Mystery, Matador and Tara arrive to teach a lesson about being a good wingman. These lessons include talking up your buddy in what’s known as “accomplishment intros” and preventing obstacles from getting between you and your target, in other words, warding off cock blocks. With the help of a wingman, the goal of this week’s field test is to make out with a girl. As the winner of the reward challenge, Rian was allowed to choose his wingman, and he decided to pair with Greg, leaving Matt and Simeon together.
Out in the field Greg and Rian successfully manage to get three girls to come sit with them in the VIP area. Greg makes out with his target in no time at all, leaving her awed by his smooth techniques.
Rian was left to fend off the other two girls – literally. He actually had both girls offering to kiss him and each other, and one of the girls even apologized saying her kissing was out of practice. Rian went in for an innocent “little brother” kiss with her and while it wasn’t a full-on makeout, for a guy who was trying to diplomatically handle a threesome without ever having kissed anyone, he did well.
Later when it’s Matt and Simeon’s turn, Simeon and His Magical Cowboy Hat get some action right out of the gate.
Matt and His Suit spend too much time talking business and he doesn’t make a move on his target until after Simeon comes by for some wingman motivation. Watching them and seeing how much their confidence has grown since the beginning of the show is exciting at this point. As soon as Simeon leaves Matt and his girl alone, they’re playing tonsil hockey in no time.
Having a wingman has made the guys wayyy less self-conscious.
“It’s official, we’ve built four really, really impressive pickup artists,” Doctor FrankenMystery tells his assistants Matador and Tara.
Since Matt and Simeon both achieved the makeout goal, Mystery chose them as the winners. Their styles complemented each other and ultimately that’s what won it for them. On the other hand, while Greg also accomplished the goal, he proved to be a selfish wingman by not helping in any way (perhaps he could have pulled one of the target girls off of Rian for a few minutes so Rian could collect himself), and now the two of them would be fighting for the last medallion.
We haven’t heard much from the guys in the way of playing the reality game – up until this point they’ve all been grateful for the lessons they’ve learned from Mystery – but now that it’s down to four, it’s getting competitive. “At this point, I really wanna win this competition and strategically I think Greg poses more of a threat than Rian does, therefore I would actually like to see Greg go home,” Simeon says. Cold, Simeon, cold. But this is an elimination show and there’s been no cattiness thus far, so it’s refreshing to finally see some strategy employed. We’re so close to one of the guys saying “I didn’t come here to make friends, I came here to win!” I can feel it.
Each guy was allowed to make his case for staying, and Rian made his point by saying that he doesn’t even kiss his family, so to have kissed one girl on the lips, even if it wasn’t a makeout, was a success. That tugged at the old heartstrings until Matador pointed out “You don’t kiss? That’s what we do man!” Touché. This guy must’ve killed at debate club.
Greg sealed the deal though when he said “I feel like I’ve grown one thousand percent, and I feel like I have the potential to grow another million percent.” How can you say no to that? That’s some solid math right there. Had Rian only played the numbers game, maybe he wouldn’t have been the recipient of this week’s Fuzzy Farewell Montage.
Courtesy of VH1. Click HERE to read original article.
Tara Interviews Todd on His Experience and Life After the Show!
Q: Describe yourself in a nutshell.
A: I’m a confident guy that’s down to earth and fun to be around. I smile a lot… I think it’s my optimism and the fact I know I have a great life filled with great people. Right now I’m pursuing a career in the fire service. That’s one of a few places where my heart resides. In the future I plan on getting another degree, launching a website, starting my own company, and pursuing my writing. I also plan on staying involved in pick up… just not the creepy side. I’m the kind of guy that likes the person he sees when he looks in the mirror. I don’t mind working hard for what I want… I expect to.
Q: How would you describe your ideal dream woman?
A: She’s quirky, confident, and just a little sarcastic. She laughs easily and conveys an ambiance of optimism and good energy. I’m a sucker for great eyes and a good smile… a little shyness is cute but too many inhibitions are a turnoff. I love the dark hair/dark eye combo but I mostly date blondes. Go figure.
Q: What is your idea of a perfect date?
A: The “Nap Date” is easily my favorite. My roommate actually turned me onto the idea. I’m currently working two jobs and still working towards a career so I spend a lot of my days exhausted. I really wanted to see the girl I was dating but I was beyond tired so he told me to call her up, tell her I was taking a nap, and invite her over to join me. She loved the idea. It builds a TON of comfort… although sometimes you don’t sleep a whole lot 
It really is a beautiful thing but you don’t want to overdo it… I always make sure the date following a nap date is something real special and memorable… otherwise you’ll just look like a bum. Aside from sleeping my favorite dates include baseball games, live music, dancing, something playful and active (like Frisbee in the park, batting cages, or the driving range) a latte and someplace with a great view, or the shooting range… Women LOVE shooting guns. It’s a weird turn on.
Q: What person living today do you most relate to and why? Do you have any role models that you look up to?
A: Ron Paul has been a big source of inspiration for me. He was a little known presidential candidate during this last election. If you think Obama is well spoken you should see Paul handle himself during debate. His strength comes from his integrity.
Bill Hicks is another hero of mine… He was a comedian that died several years ago of pancreatic cancer. He was a voice of courage, reason, and truth and he used his comedy as the horse that carried his message to the masses.
Q: What was your experience with women before being on the Pick Up Artist 2? What kind of problems did you have?
A: I always had beautiful women in my life… just never romantically. I could attract and build comfort but I lacked the courage to pull the trigger. This landed me in the supportive role of the best friend. The sad part was that a lot of the time she really wanted more… and I did too… I just never manned up to that fact. As I got older my issues got worse and that added pressure to an already dismal situation. When you throw desperation into the mix of all the other negative emotions I was feeling you get to a pretty tragic place pretty quickly. It doesn’t matter how great your life may be in every other aspect if you don’t have someone great to share it with you’re missing out on a hell of a lot.
Q: What went through your mind when you were picked for the show? What expectations did you have?
A: I was at a loss for words. All along I’d had so many people that were so sure it was going to happen for me but I refused to believe it. I didn’t want to get excited because I didn’t want the heartbreak of having it not happen. Once it did happen I went crazy. It’s pretty rare when you can define the exact moment your life is going to change… I could. As the euphoria wore off panic set in. I was preparing to face every fear and insecurity with cameras rolling… the whole world was going to see it. It was a rollercoaster of negative and positive emotions.
Q: How did you feel when you got to the mansion and met Mystery and the crew?
A: It was surreal. The first thing I noticed was how warm and passionate they all were. They were there, first and foremost, for our success. They were the best teachers I’ve ever had.
Q: What was it like going into the club that first night in Scottsdale?
A: I can’t put words to it. The stress was enough to make you physically sick and I was shaking inside… I just wanted to get it over with. The saving grace of it all was knowing that it wasn’t results based… we just had to show we were willing to approach not knowing a damn thing. It actually went better than I though it would… of course it looked horrible on TV but I actually opened 5 or 6 sets and had one really cute girl sort of hooked. In hindsight I could have number closed but I didn’t know that at the time.
Q: During elimination when it was down to you and Greg, what was going through your mind? Did you think you were going to be eliminated?
A: When it was down to two of us I knew I was gone. Had I seen the footage of him in the club I might have been a little more confident… he had a rough night as well… but I didn’t see any video and if I remember right he got a phone number that night. When I watched the show I was surprised at how difficult a time Greg, Brian, and I all had. Up to that point we were leading the pack for the most part.
Q: What was it like returning home after the show? Did your family and friends notice a difference?
A: I was making friends as soon as I got to the Phoenix Airport. I even had one guy offer me a job because he liked my personality so much. On the plane I got into a great conversation with a really nice older woman and we talked for most of the flight… I used the Mick Jagger opener on her. When I got back to Denver everyone noticed a difference. Family, friends, it was instant. I had my first girlfriend that same week.
Q: How did your life change after you left the show?
A: You can’t drastically change one aspect of your life and not have that same change trickle down into other facets as well. I had more focus and motivation than I’ve ever had… and not just with women… with my professional life as well. The show redefined, in my own mind, what I was capable of. I continued to plow away in field and I went out sarging like it was my religion. I hit every sticking point possible but I kept overcoming them. My confidence and belief in myself was unshakeable… it still is.
Q: How is your love life and experience with women now?
A: It’s great. I came to realize that I had all the tools all along I just needed someone to show me how to use them properly. My first month back from the show dwarfed the previous 10 years of my dating life as far as success and experience are concerned. I found myself in a place where I got to choose who I wanted to take things to the next level with… it was empowering. It was also really educational… you really figure out what kind of a person you are when you’re given all the opportunities to be bad. Eventually I reached the place where I the strongest emotion I was having in field wasn’t insecurity or anxiety or fear… it was fun. Once that happened I felt like I’d graduated.
Q: Do you think that being on the show and learning pick-up changed your personality?
A: The same week before I got taken off the show I was getting the feeling I was losing myself. We were being uploaded with information constantly (we needed it) but I felt like my identity was being lost in the process. I felt robotic and unoriginal and this stayed with me for a few weeks after I’d gotten home. I got to the point where my attraction and seduction skills were the best that they’d ever been but my comfort building SUCKED. Why? Because, for me, comfort building is all about being able to show your un-cool side. They quirky, vulnerable, passionate part of yourself that is exposed once you choose to drop the armor. In time I found equilibrium between the two and I haven’t looked back since. I’ve taken all the best pieces and snapped them together into the person that I am today.
Q: Boldest Pick-Up move?
A: I once tried to number close a girl on light rail. The hard part was that she was on the inside of the train and I was outside on the platform so we couldn’t talk and there was some pretty thick glass between us. I had her and her friend engaged and laughing and her and I were doing kino through the glass, matching hands and silly stuff like that. We drew quite the crowd… inside and outside. I went for the number close by keying my phone number on my phone and holding it up while making the “call me” motion with my other hand. There was a lot of lip reading going on. Ultimately I was denied but it was more for entertainment value than anything… she wasn’t really my type.
Q: Worst experience with a girl (date, relationship, etc.)?
A: The first time I ever broke up with a girl was horrible. In the past I’d always been on the receiving end and that’s what I was used to. Making her cry absolutely killed me. I learned a great deal from it all and I’ll know how to better handle these things in the future. I learned that when you start to understand how the female heart and mind works you are put in a really powerful place… you’ve gotta treat them well. There’s a lot of responsibility that goes along with this game and unless you’re soulless you’re gonna feel the ramifications of it all.
Q: Best pickup?
A: I was out at a country bar a while back with some friends and we were all out on the dance floor. The music shifted to the slow dance stuff so everyone started pairing off or leaving the floor. I saw a really adorable blonde leave the floor and go sit down by herself. I approached, held my hand, and told her to give me hers. We went back to the dance floor and had a few songs together… The best part was watching the expression on her face go from melancholy to giddy in just a few seconds. We later exchanged numbers and we still talk once in a while… turns out we had mutual friends there that night.
Q: If a woman likes you, how could she make herself more attractive to you? (What qualities are you attracted to in a woman?)
A: One of the big things that I was taught was to become accustomed to a woman’s beauty, not desensitized or unappreciative of it, but not blinded by it either. She’s a person and only a fraction of her identity is reflected externally. I’m attracted to strange things… quirkiness is a big one for me. There is something undeniably sexy about a girl that’s confident enough to show her silly, clunky, awkward side. Physically speaking, I’d say that a big turn on for me is a woman that has a natural beauty to her. I’m not into the plastic look… give me a cutie that looks great in pajama pants and a tee shirt and we’re good to go.
Q: What would you tell guys out there who have difficulty with women and are in the same position that you were once in?
A: Find someone who knows more than you do and learn from them. Devote yourself to change and get ready to be rubbed in the dirt before you’re taught how to fly. Know that for every rejection and heartbreak you receive you’re getting one step closer to greatness and being great with women is worth all the negativity and more. There are a lot of ways to succeed in this game… find something that is congruent with whom you are. It’s a numbers game through and through. Approach a lot and hammer away at all your sticking points until there’s none left. The greatest successes I’ve ever had in field often happened after a horrid night before. It’s weird like that.
Q: Closing thoughts? Shout Outs?
A: I just want to once again thank all the teachers. Mystery, Matador, Hawaii, Knack, Tara, Lovedrop and Kosmo. I also want to thank my family and friends for all the support and I want to give thanks to all the guys that took the journey with me for making it so memorable. These guys are my brothers.
P.S. Brian… I saw the video… I love you too.
Long time no see :P
Alrighty.. so it’s been a while since I last did a blog post… college was getting pretty stressful and I’ve been out of my element for about a month :S. I’ve just been thinking so negatively… no idea why… I just keep seeing these beautiful girls at college and not having the guts to just go talk to them. But I’ve found my resolve.. I’ve noticed that I’ve been putting to much pressure on myself and I just need to have fun with my interactions, I’ve made a few female (very cute) friends, and it’s been fun just talking to them about stuff. I think I’m ready to just let go and have fun with it 
Moving on
Rule 10 The Comfort Zone Is the Enemy
MJ
“So are those anal beads?”
A very unoriginal line. This is probably the closest feeling I can get to relating to girls and hearing the same repeated line from the opposite sex. Its been minutes into the conversation and MJ touches my mardigras bead necklace. She plays with it on the tip of her fingers. We both knew it was just an excuse to get even closer. I reply with something I’m sure she wasn’t used to hearing.
Me
“Oh yes, I’m glad you noticed. But the funny thing is this: the only girls that notice are the girls that are attracted to me.” I smile. Build the tension. She smiles with a mixture of shock as her hand just lays on my chest. Then release.
“Too bad I’m too high maintenance for you.”
She giggles and I take a quick glance around the patio. The other half of MJ’s set is just watching with a smile on her face. I bring her into our conversation.
Me
“Liz, I like your friend MJ.”
I wrap my arm around her.
“Shes really entertaining and she gives me shit. Even though this is gonna lead into a divorce should I give her my number?”
Liz eye codes MJ to assess the situation. With MJ smiling and putting her arm around me friend approval was on its way.
Liz
“How about you both exchange numbers?”
I take out my phone and hand it to MJ and she naturally puts her number in. As she does I see Isaac the natural in set. Then I see “student X” still in the same set. I had already opened and closed 3 different sets in the last hour and he was still in the same set. But not just any set but, the girl was a booty call of Isaac’s that he had introduced to him. “Student X” was locked in comfort within a warm set. Earlier that night he was locked into another warm set of bar regulars that we see every weekend. There was no cold approaching going on from him.
I finish up with MJ as I open a mixed 3 set with the mute and deaf opener.
Me
“I gotta get back to my friends but how do you guys know each other?”
Student X and Isaac disappear and I continue forth.
As the night came closer to the end I found “Student X” on the opposite patio by himself eating a basket of wings. He tells me that hes improved on his previous sticking point of reframing. He also tells me that hes opened less than 10 sets tonight.
Student X has good approach skills and comfort skills but none of that matters when there is no approach.
In the post game analysis. Yes I’m getting hungry as I write this so I’m just gonna wrap it up here as opposed to my usual over the top detailed field reports/blogs.
Comfort is your enemy. Not comfort as in the next step after attraction but comfort sets. Sets that already has some rapport in it. ex/ friend of friends, acquaintance of a friend, previously opened sets that you see week after week.
Although warm sets like those can get you into a talkative state, your body will get comfortable and your brain won’t want to push yourself out of that comfort to open a cold set.
Recognize what is going on in your situations and take action. Tell your brain to shut up and go.
Sarge on friends.
-
Jcred
“Ariel huh?
OMG were so gonna dress you
up in a mermaid outfit with a red wig,
Then you can swim around in my pool
and sing to my guests when I have a
pool party” 11/13/2008
VH1′s The Celebreality Interview With Brian
After watching this season of The Pick Up Artist, it’s obvious that Brian might be the show’s craziest contestant. He has made out with mannequins, admitted to practicing his kissing technique on ham slices, and coined more than his share of slang (”smokin’ balls,” anyone?). Turns out, Brian in real life is exactly like Brian on the show, and when we talked, our conversation had equal amounts ADD and TMI – that’s just how Brian rolls. Deep down though, he’s all about making friends with everyone. In fact, I think we ended the conversation with my promising to cook him dinner if he’s ever in New York. He may be off the show, but Brian’s not easily forgotten.
So tell me, what was it like meeting Mystery, was it exciting or did he just come across as a normal guy?
He was a bit different. When I first saw him I was like wow, he looks like a rock star. I thought we’d have to dress like him and I was like “I’m way too short to wear that trench coat,” and I didn’t know if I’d be able to pull off the Darth Vader goggles and cowboy hat. Everyone else that I’ve talked to from the show says that you’re the one person they all definitely keep in touch with.
I pretty much get along with everyone and there really wasn’t like any major drama and it’s not like a show where you get voted off, it’s all based on performance so you can do good for three or four challenges and the next challenge you screw up and get kicked off.
Read the rest of the interview after the jump.
Do you think that’s fair?
It’s maybe a little unfair ’cause Todd did really well and he just messed up on one challenge and just from his performance on the one challenge he got kicked off.
That’s what happened to you too, don’t you think? Up until that last challenge, Mystery, Matador and Tara had nothing but love for you and their reactions were always positive and they were impressed by your confidence.
I’m really confident, but I have approach anxiety that I couldn’t get over. Major, major approach anxiety. Capital major. Capital M-A-J-O-R. But now I’m still the same person, it’s just like I’m a better and improved Brian.
Have you put your training to use since the show?
Oh yeah. I’m lovin’ life right now. My results are more than one and less than one hundred. I’ve got to get to know you a little bit better before I let you know the real number.
So for your last challenge -
Which one was the last one, the one where we had to number close?
Yeah, you had to get a number from a bikini model.
Yeah, I was too intimidated by the skinny little thongs in between the girls’ butts. They were good lookin’ though.
So that made it harder?
It was so nerve-wracking, you knew there were cameras around and like, the first five-set that I walked into I said that they had orange faces and tans and all of them heard me say that and when I went around to open other sets they would be like “There’s the guy who told us we had orange skin!”
Have you learned your lesson? You should never call a girl orange.
Yeah, maybe I should’ve said they were too yellow instead. Hey, are you very experienced, sexually? I’m just wondering because I read on a blog, I was reading a bunch of stuff that people were writing about me, but then I read that semen is good for your skin and all these people on the blog were like “You should use the semen opener where you tell a girl semen is really good for her skin.”
I’m not so sure you should use that one.
I don’t think I would either. It was just coming from these crazy guys that worship me. Like all the messages I get on MySpace and Facebook are from guys, so many guys come up to me, it’s weird. I wish it was the opposite gender.
Maybe they look up to you.
But it’s like, tons of guys who add me and ask me for advice and hang out with me, it’s probably 80% guys and 20% girls, it’s horrible.
What do the girls say to you?
They say “Oh HA HA you are so hilarious. You’re so funny. I love you. Now when can I meet Mystery?” Every girl I talk to wants to meet Mystery or Matador and they wanna use me as a middle man. I took a girl to a party and she ended up hooking up with some other guy to try to get to Mystery.
Ew.
Yeah.
Do you like hanging out at clubs like the ones you went to on the show, or do you meet girls at school or in dive bars?
I like dive bars better, I went to a club on my birthday and they were only letting in one guy for every three girls and they weren’t letting my friends in so I was gonna walk out. You know where I like to hang out at? Under big tall trees and just chill, just enjoying nature. I love the outdoors, reading a good book, going to the beach.
Do you really like pickle juice?
Well, like I don’t like drinkin’ it, but I like, like, getting the giant pickles from a theme park. Have you seen that Zohan movie?
Nope.
I saw it. It’s pretty funny. Stupid funny.
Did you just see it?
No. I saw it in the theater. Adam Sandler is one of my favorite actors. And the guy from Superbad. And I like romantic comedies.
Do you want to act?
No, the thing is that I found a job on Craigslist and when I went in for an interview they referred me for The Pickup Artist and I’m like, I’m not an actor, I’ve never read scripts but I tried out and like 4 months later they called me and I was like, cool! I had very little investment in it, I hadn’t seen the first season, I don’t have cable. I don’t know anything about pop culture except that Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears are drunk-asses. I haven’t even picked up the book The Game yet, I feel like I should read it.
If you’re having fun, you probably don’t need to read it.
Really, going out is all about confidence and having fun and having a good time with your friends and projecting your true personality. Vibrating with the crowd and showing the whole room love. Just love everyone and respect them.
VH1′s The Pickup Artist 2 Recap Episode 5
Courtesy of VH1. Click here for the original post. Also visit www.pickuptara.com for additional pictures and videos!
Bikini fashion show! No, it’s not the name of a cheesy 80s movie, it’s the field challenge our guys had to undertake this week and man, oh man was it AWK-ward! Of course this outfit never ceases to surprise, so even though three of ‘em hit on the same girl, hyperactive Simeon was the only one who could close the deal and get her number. The rest failed miserably. Simeon was the week’s big winner and SHOCK of all shocks, Brian was the dude sent home.
But first, someone grab the keys to the Range Rover because we’re heading to the Scottsdale Plaza Resort! This week’s reward challenge sees the guys involuntarily signed up to be the prizes in an auction at a fancy-pants spa. Before they can even protest the idea of being paraded around like cattle, Mystery adds insult to injury by telling them they ain’t got no DHV. That’s “Demonstrations of Higher Value” in Mysteryspeak, and in layman’s terms it means selling yourself. I think. The explanation was vague, and I was left to infer the definition of DHV all on my own. Come to think of it, I still think Kino Escalate is an SUV equipped with electronic gambling machines, so I’m not entirely sure what most of Mystery’s man-lingo means. But in this case, at the auction, the guys are supposed to think of stories that will literally sell themselves to the highest bidder.
Matt takes this to mean that he should introduce himself as a high caliber, culturally elite oenophile and starts rehearsing a story about going to Tuscany to study cheese and wine. Simeon talked about the time he and his Sherpa got caught in a monsoon, and Brian seemed to glaze over at his tale.
If the snippets of these guys rehearsing their DHV stories were any indication, I worried for the charity that would benefit from this auction. Poor, poor Defenders of Children, times may be tough this month.
Brian presented himself first to the roomful of prim and proper ladies, and was purchased for a respectable price, likely because he wouldn’t stop shaking his booty at them.
Final bid: $575
With $575 as the amount to beat, Matt took the stage and continued his story about being taught the ways of the world by an Italian woman. Unfortunately that’s as sexy as it got because his lessons were about what stinky cheese goes best with Chianti. The stories worked though, Matt earned himself an $850 bid, and unless one of the other guys could top that, he might be living out “Under My Tuscan Son” with one of these charitable Arizona socialites.
Matt praises the group of women for their good sense to bid on him:
Final bid: $850
The other guys weren’t quite as at-ease on the stage as Matt, judging from their awkward physical DHVs and low bids.
Rian tried to woo with his come-hither bedtime look:
Final bid: $450
“I don’t want to brag or anything, I just want to tell you I’m a great person,” Simeon totally bragged.
Final bid: $575
On his 24-month service mission, Greg explained how he “left a boy and came back a man.”
Manly though he was, he still couldn’t beat Matt. Final bid: $800
Has Matt lost a reward challenge like, ever? As a prize, he got the company of wing woman Tara whose presence and general hotness will aid him later on when he’s out in the field.
Right Tara?
I thought so.
The field test was to pick up a hired gun, a woman whose job relies on her beauty. “A bartender…a go-go dancer…a bikini model,” Mystery says, clearly after having just watched an episode of Laugh-In because when was the last time anyone in real life referenced a go-go dancer? The guys must use different techniques to pick up a bikini model after attending a swimwear fashion show, so they tested hypothetical compliments and negs with Tara. Matt clearly felt confident after hearing Brian’s line “You are the orangest girl I’ve ever met.”
The guys watch the bikini fashion show and then are let loose amongst the throngs of thongs. What you are about to read about was shot using hidden cameras. There are no actors in the club, only real people. . .
And this was where it started to get painful. While swimming in a sea of models, Greg acted awkward and hovered, Brian’s formerly cute “I like pickle juice!” did him no favors and the moment he told one of the models she had “the orangest tan he’s ever seen”, the girls scattered. Remember those Dawn dish detergent commercials where one drop of Dawn on a casserole dish immediately repels whatever grease was on the dish? One drop of Brian was all these girls needed.
Rian, Matt and Simeon all end up trying to mack on the same girl and while she was warm to Rian and cool to Matt, she ended up being hot for Simeon. Guys, take a note from Simeon – offer to take a girl out for mani-pedis because while we can handle small talk and flirting, we can’t abide cracked heels. Simeon’s manic personality and rock-star cowboy persona finally pays off and the girls are on him like nail glue.
When the challenge was over, Mystery addressed the guys in a storage room/Ultimate Fighting cage.
He’s disappointed in Matt who, even with a wing, can’t even pull off getting a phone number but tells all the guys that, aside from Simeon, who’s the obvious winner of the challenge, they could all be on the chopping block since no one else got a phone number.
Ultimately Matt and Greg were awarded medallions and Brian and Rian were in the bottom two. Never would I have thought Brian would be here – I was sure his confidence and craziness had bought him a one-way ticket to Pick-Up City. I’m amazed at Rian’s progress too, but his lack of confidence had been a worry – he does good work out in the field, but I’m starting to think that all his crying is reversing that dry heat Arizona is so known for.
Mystery calls Brian’s persona “one-note” and Tara tells him he doesn’t listen to girls and for those reasons, Rian is awarded the final medallion. In what seems like genuine sadness from everyone in the room, Mystery, Tara and Matador all say goodbye to Brian, who can’t keep his emotions in check and takes a moment to cry before sailing off into a Fuzzy Farewell Montage.
I’ll miss Brian. . .and his hair. . .and his love of pickle juice. . .but I think it’s his spelling I’ll miss most of all, especially as he bids us farewell: “I’m a new person. I’m ready for a real K-I-S-S, infinity S’s. On my lips. Instead of a mannequin this time. Or a guy.”
